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American Idol: Season 5 Encores, Simon Fuller’s first major cash-in on Idol 5 “talent”[1], contains many truly mediocre performances and a few dull gems.

The CD contains one studio rendition of a previously performed song from each of the Top 12 Idol 5 contestants.

Let’s do this:

Ace Young - Father Figure by George “No Really… I’m Straight” Michael: Thin, not sufficiently differentiated from original. The point? Wake me up before you go-go.

Bucky Covington - Superstition (Stevie): Unlike almost all his appearances on the show, I can actually understand most of the words to this rendition, so I have to give it at least a 5/10 for that. I kind of wish he did ‘Fat Bottom Girls’ for this album, though, because to hear Bucky warble through Freddie Mercury just one more time would have been… funny!

Chris Daughtry - Wanted Dead or Alive (Bon Jovi): Like the Bon Jovi, except thinner (and, according to an Entertainment Weekly review I read, Chris sings both Jon and Richie’s parts; woo hoo!). It could be said that most of these songs suffer from the same issue: if you’re going to do a cover song, aren’t you supposed to make it your own instead of offering up a version that is the same as the original? All these covers do is showcase that the Idols are not as good a singer (or perhaps they had a less talented producer) as the original artist.

Elliott Yamin - Moody’s Mood for Love (eh, eh?): You know, I don’t know the original, but this is Elliott in his ellimentt. Looking forward to his all-scat record.

Katharine McPhee - Think (Aretha): You’re not Aretha Franklin; you’re skinny, tall, white and can’t sing nearly as well. Robotic and effortlessly good… which isn’t a good thing in this case. Took no risks. In the chorus that goes, “Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!” it’s clear that she’s not pushing it at all. If she had gone for overdrive in the chorus, this may have had something.

Kellie Pickler - Walkin’ After Midnight (Patsy “Pull Up!” Cline): I don’t know the original, and I’m not a big fan of country, but to quote Dave Navarro from Rock Star: INXS, “I could hear this song on the radio right now”. She sounds as good as any other female country singer that I’ve stumbled across when scanning the dial. But regardless of her music career, I’m still very much looking forward to her inevitable appearance in Playboy and/or Penthouse.

Kevin Covais - … whatever. You’re horrible, boy. It wasn’t novelty that got you into the Final 12, it was morbid fascination. You are the anti-christ and Gollum rolled into one. I don’t mean either of those in a good way.

Lisa Ticker - Signed, Sealed, Delivered (Stevie Wonder): Dunno if it’s as good as the original, but to me this sounds like a professional recording.

Mandisa - I’m Every Woman (Whitney “Show Me The Receipts for All this Crack” Houston): Thin. Maybe the song’s “too big for her”.

Melissa McGhee - What About Love (Heart): I think I’m understanding that my minor infatuation with her breasts was shielding me from what is obvious to everyone: she really can’t (or, nominally, doesn’t) sing very well. On this recording, there are no distractions to hide the truth, so I was forced to face it.

Paris Bennett - Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight?): It’s good, but not great. It is amazing how she sounds, being seventeen or whatever. She’ll have a career. Thank you!

Taylor Hicks - Takin’ It To The Streets (Doobie Brothers): I mean, it’s fine. There’s nothing about it (other than being listed last in the track listing) that says “this guy was going to win AI 5″. It’s a capable Michael MacDonald copy, taken to the streets. Soul patrol… whoooo! Hopefully he’ll follow up with both “Yah Mo Be There” and “Shine Sweet Freedom” (both duets with Elliott Yamin) on his first album.[2]

So, in summary: This album was $9.99 from the iTunes Music Store, and I’m fairly confident I’ll never be listening to it again.

[1] Not counting the millions already made via producer’s salary, licensing, ad revenue, et et etc squeak etc.

[2] In hindsight, I realized at writing time I somehow had the album tracklist in alphabetical, not canonical, order, so Taylor really isn’t the last track. Who is? Who can say…

rds