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Singer’s Man of Steel needs to smell his shame, hide face in cape, then wash cape with SuperTide.

I had high hopes for Bryan Singer’s take on the Superman mythos after his success helming X-Men 1 & 2, but was sorely disappointed by the finished product, especially after the inevitable hype generated by so many false starts on the property over the last decade.

Maybe part of Singer’s success with X-Men was his admission throughout the process that he wasn’t an X-Fanboy going in, opening the door to dealing with the material honestly and from a fresh perspective, without falling into the potential pitfalls of endless backstory-development and the omission of x-rated content[1].

Emotional detachment from the subject matter would have served Singer well in this case, for we are left with a bloaty, sentimental Superman-as-the Baby Jebus passion play begging the obvious question but failing to answer it: “Why wasn’t Christopher Reeves brought back in to play the man of steel?”

A list of additional charges / outrages:
1. Turning the great Brando into a squeaking digital Muppet that in no way portrays our finest actor in a way in the way we want to remember him.
2. The decision to swap in Frank Langella to replace Hugh “That d**k Dr. House from ‘House, M.D.’” Laurie in the role of Perry White.

3. Extensive use of digital effects when real heat vision, ice-rays and actual destruction was perfectly feasible (and probably cheaper; this film allegedly came in over $200M).
4. The baffling failure to fully capitalize on the franchise’s greatest asset — Sir Terence Stamp in the seminal role of arch-nemesis General Zod — as the primary supervillain.

5. Choosing to focus on a reimaginaging of the Superman back-story instead of pushing forward with challenging new material, such as the death of Superman at the hands of Doomsday’s consumption-ray

I could go on, but it’s perhaps pointless to[2].

rds

[1] Such content was undoubtedly planned for the third installment of the X-franchise, but the vision was sadly left unfulfilled when Singer left to work on Superman Returns. I found X3: The Final Countdown to be a well-executed conclusion to that segment of story plot-wise, but one sorely devoid of hardcore sex or even basic full-frontal nudity.

[2] Since I have not actually seen the film Superman Returns.