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A douche in full. Here’s your crown, Your Majesty.

I assume offscreen the audience was crushing newborns and the enfeebled in a dash to escape before the shocktroopers rappelled in.

Happy new year! Came up with this with friends mark and leah, in conjunction with the woman kelley, on wild vacation in Florida while trapped in hotel suite on the one rainy day, watching ten hours of Top Chef marathon.

now trust me — be it vacation or not, ten hours of top chef will keep me well-seated. as many things will, but i’ll be writhing in delight the whole while.

Found out later there’s also this, and this.

Shangle’s Canonical Top Chef Drinking Game Until It’s Edited

Phrases appearing (one drink per occurance):

“Undercooked and overseasoned”
“Underseasoned and overcooked”
“The X is cooked perfectly”
“If you chose not to do your best dish for this challenge, what are you waiting for?” (or derivation)
“I’m not ready to go home.”
“This is a competition!” (or derivation, including “I came to win”, etc.)
“I’m just so tired of the whoring…”
“I want to sleep with you here right now.”
“I miss my family a lot” (or derivation)
“It is what it is”
“–unintelligble euro-talk–”

Actions (one drink per scene of occurrence):

Collichio wears his little beret-style cap
Padma’s scar appears (one drink per scene of appearance)
Someone throws someone else under a bus
Someone throws themself under a bus
Padma drinks alcohol or Padma/a chef makes reference to Padma’s love of alcohol
Padma makes reference to traditional Indian cuisine
Ted Allen appears
The Foo Fighters appear
A chef freaks out/cries
A guest judge gives away/shills their swag as a prize for winning an elimination challenge
A Mac is given away as a prize feor winning an elimination challenge
Padma asks a chef to please pack their knives and go
A chef makes reference to not knowing/never having cooked with a secret ingredient/having used a challenge technique
A chef makes reference to being gay/how awesome it is to be gay
A chef crosses his/her arms
Collichio verbally disagrees with a guest judge

All the proof you needed that andy samberg does a better mark wahlberg than mark wahlberg.

Why didn’t the google challenge go to the blue pill?

survivor is in hi-def now. Thats all I can tell you comfortably.

We all know how “down with the times” I am… but in this rare case I’m being relatively good, as Grindhouse only came out two months ago.

I’ve only seen the first feature, and I can already declare it the greatest film of all time.

It is truly the Citizen Kane of homage-to-seventies-sexploitation-and-violence flicks. And the music rocks.

And Rose MacGowan, back in the Doom Generation days, was a stone, villianous fox. Then she was on Charmed and all that and married the prince of darkness for a while (rebellious teens), and I think had some plastic surgery, and it was like, wha happened? But now she’s here as a go-go dancer, then she get stumped, then they attach a table leg to the stump, which is hot, and for the coup de grace… well… we all know by now.

I’m on the fence as to whether I’m going to even watch Tarantino’s portion (Death-Proof). Kinda don’t want to ruin the perfection.

Hey, elia: Way to step forward and tentatively complain re: Wolverine’s “cheating”, for a gain of zero yards, seconds before your head rolled.

Elia: [Vague references to Wolverine's cheating][1]

Judge that is indistinguishable from Billy Joel’s child bride from season 1:
[You mean there was cheating] today?

Elia: Uh, no…

Words of advice for the future: Don’t be a puppet, especially Mark Renton’s.

Double props for Colicchio for: “I don’t care what happens in the kitchen”, perhaps the line of the season, and for Sam for kicking out while maintaining grace / not getting trapped in the puppet show.

So much for Top Chef being “the reality show where nice guys win”, as we’re down to two egomaniacs in the final round. As it should be.

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[1] You can see how I’ve earned my many awards for excellence in journalism.

This is Teddy, smooth free-form intuitive modeling.

this is the gremlin.

Music by Kasabian.

I think it was Justin Timberlake’s third outing as saturday night live combo host / musical guest on last Saturday, and I don’t care who says I’m lame for believing it’s beyond refute: the guy is extremely and broadly talented. SNL’s first post-Fey season is wanting. Last week’s was a gem.

I like singers who can do comedy well (JT) and actresses who can sing and dance well (ex. Kate Winslet). The list goes on. Just not here.

Evidence of Justin + SNL synergy:

a) Omletteville revisited. So hot. Kelley and I do the “gonna bring on in to Omletteville-eah!” around the house all the time, and we crack up. Also, we’re huge f-ing nerds.

b) Barry Gibb Talk Show round 3 (featuring Fallon, of course, who took time off from coke-frenzying/shark-jumping to do some quality comedy; neither round 2 nor 3 was as tremendous as the first (Cruz Bustamante! eh ah eh!), but the concept is just so f-ing great; also - eh just want to taaeeehlk to yuh!)

c) Make her open the box (NSFW - if that link was news to you, you’re living in the past (which is normally known as “12 months into my future”). I think it’s very possible this come close to being this year’s “I’m Rick James, b-eotch.”

d) so yeah, clearly JT’s good-looking in that sort of subtle, abstract way that makes a woman want to have sex with a man. And he can sing, and I think I saw him play a piano or something. He is well-rounded. I’m also sure he has an enormous Pheromone sac and male genitals, which is fine.

I have no doubt my wife thinks about JT occasionally while we’re having sex, and I’d just like to point out that picking Kate Winslet as my JT counterpoint up above was a completely random thing of no real consequence.

This is funny in a somewhat Fight Club/Project Mayhem-esque sort of way.

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