[american idol 5] 05032006 - and now the end is near…
Today I don’t seem have the energy required for more pictograms.[1]
Perhaps it’s due to low blood sugar from my recent rapid post-wedding transition to a nearly pure-Smart Ones diet. Or, perhaps it’s because I lack focused hatred (which is the true source of all comedy) for any of the remaining contestants.
So instead I’ll just be boring and wrong, and predict how it’s going to go until I5-day:
This week: Taylor
Next week (the only remaining shocker): Elliot (who should win, but won’t), due to what will be a highly controversial voting mix-up/fraud due to the now-outlandishly complex dual-number Idol Voting System confusing Richmondians. But this should really be Paris’ week to go.
Following: Paris (should be Elliot, but see above)
Following: Chris
Winner is… McPhever… despite that mauling of “Against All Odds”[2] in the key of X-flat. I dunno… maybe that’ll cost her, allowing Chris to out-survive her. I predict she’ll make up for it next week by experiencing an actual wardrobe malfunction. McP will also pull it out despite continuing evidence (via dialogue with Seacrest) that she was born without a soul / personality.
I don’t see any possibilities for the top 2 other than Chris “the Rocker” and McPhever “the Automaton”. I guess they’re obvious choices, but… ok, it’s like this:
We’re in another two-week doldrums period where the delta in talent between the pool of possible winners (McP/Chris) and certain losers (Taylor, Paris) is Manwich-sized, and only bridged/clogged by the Dark-Horse-That-Should-Win-But-Also-Cannot (Yamin). The problem is I really don’t care, between Taylor and Paris, who goes first… so in some ways even watching right now is pointless.
The last doldrum period was the “Golden Age” Ace/Bucky ejection era; where we knew their time had come, but I also was looking forward to their public shaming. I could really care less about seeing Taylor act goofy and say he had a great time, or watch Paris say “Thank you” 15 times in response to whatever is said to her.
Anyway, sorry for the lack of pictures. Maybe I’ll be angrier this afternoon.
rds
[1] Although Kelley suggested one for Paris that was a combination of Billie Holliday and Rudy Huxtable. I would go for it, except I don’t think Paris is as talented (or constantly high) as Lady Day was.
[2] Which I consider one of the best pop ballads ever, and sing it at karaoke early and often.[3]
[3] Which reminds me of my new business idea: a karaoke bar called “False Idol” or possibly “Golden Calf”, which does karaoke six (or seven) nights a week. The twist is that not only is there the standard drinking/karaok-ing, but also three “judges” seats, where patrons (who are, invariably, an overweight black guy who calls everyone “dude”, a past-her-prime slut and a rude, vaguely British modern dandy) must also imitate the Idol judges.
Ok, the key is — every time someone sings, the “Simon” judge/patron is like… “you know what? That was just like… (wait for it…) bad karaoke to me,” at which point the singer/patron is like “I know!”
Very meta.
rds
